Important breaking news

I would give up everything, EVERYTHING, for one night with Johnny Depp. His cheekbones alone are worth my entire yarn collection. Sweet Jesus.

posted by Kristin @ 2:55 PM 1 comments

File under "Movies I Will Never Watch Again"

If you're looking for cinema to make you physically ill, I highly suggest Requiem for a Dream. The last 10 minutes really made me want to hurl.

I have a bum hand. My wrist got really jacked up when I worked late last week, entering stuff into spreadsheets, and I haven't really been able to knit since then. My whole hand started to hurt at Adrian and Sara's late Friday night and was quite swollen. I knit for a little while yesterday, but had to ice my hand afterwards. It's the computer mouse that's doing it, so now I'm trying to navigate with my left hand. It's not as hard as I thought it would be, but still not too easy. I really want to knit at Guild tonight, so I'm not taking any chances today. And I think I'm going to ask for some ergonomical solutions from my friendly IT person.

At the risk of sounding like a slutty co-ed, I had my first hangover this weekend. At 8 p.m. on a Saturday night. Connie sure makes some good punch. Justin and I had the best time at the birthday barbecue.

Okay, my right hand is killing me just from typing.

It's going to be a long day.

posted by Kristin @ 9:16 AM 3 comments

Suggest fairy dust and the clapping of hands, much like how one would keep Tinkerbell alive. I mean, sweet Jesus.

Now that I have the ability to actually post a title, I can't think of any. The above is an e-mail, in its entirety, that I sent to a co-worker.

My weekly "Headache at 4:00 on Thursday afternoon" has joined me an hour early today. Way to go, headache!

I worked until 7:45 last night. I got home at 8:15. I ate cooked and ate dinner (campanelle pasta and feta with sauteed mushrooms, onions and garlic), talked to my parents on the phone and was in bed by 9:15. That's when the Indian family across the yard started screaming goodbyes to their friends. It only lasted about 10 minutes.

Justin and I need suggestions on "how to have fun." It turns out that we don't.

An open letter

Dear Friday,
If you don't get here soon, there will be carnage.
Love,
Kristin

posted by Kristin @ 3:04 PM 2 comments

Miss Grumpsalot

I've been grumpy for the past few days. Sorry, Pookie.

ANTM: The Runway Ahead
First of all, it was like, 10 times better than the Friends finale. But that's not saying much. Second of all, WHY IS CAMILLE SUCH A RAGING BITCH? God, I hate her. I also hate stupid Catie giving stupid autographs. And Xiomara, I'm sorry, but you will never make it, not with that scary agent of yours.

Ooo, someone at work just gave me some shoes.

posted by Kristin @ 8:55 AM 5 comments

Lumpy

The baby mouse is all better - I think his little bump is gone. Poor Roo-Roo - I poked and prodded him so much last night that he made his "mad face" - he scrunched up his little nose and buried his head in my fingers. But at least he's okay. I turn off the air conditioning while I'm at work, and when I come home he's laying on top of his bedding instead of covering himself with it, and he's all stretched out like Penny. Maybe I'll make him a little mouse fan.

posted by Kristin @ 11:09 AM 0 comments

I love the new Blogger, and the new Blogger loves me

Way to fix the order of the posts. I also like the commenting - if you're not a Blogger user, post anonymously, but sign your name at the end of the post (sorry for all the confusion, Hottie).

posted by Kristin @ 11:07 AM 3 comments

Yay for a new Blogger!

If anyone can help me figure out how to get my most recent posts to post at the top, I will...be your friend?

posted by Kristin @ 12:38 PM 5 comments

First, a big 'ol thank you to my Secret Pal, who sent me some rockin' notecards, stickers and gorgeous stitch markers. I love them. And I'm a big poop for not thanking you a week ago when I received them. Thank you so much.

Best News EVER
I now work at a yarn store.

I KNOW.

It's a new shop, not too far from my house, called The Yarn Store and More. It opens on June 1. I'll be working Sundays 1-5. I get a 40% discount. AND I get to make things to display in the store and they pay me for them in yarn (or cash, but I'm all about the yarn)! I met one of the three owners on Saturday and she's just fabulous. We were in the stock room, looking at all the yarn, and I mentioned that I had always wanted to make the Colinette Absolutely Fabulous Throw kit but that it was too expensive. And she says, "I have some of those! Want to make one for the store?" And that's how I walked out of the store 10 minutes later with $180 worth of Italian yarn and my first pair of Addi Turbo needles (which I already adore). I started winding the yarn right when I got home and I'm about 1/7 of the way through the blanket. It's absolutely gorgeous.

The great thing about this job is that I love to make things but I don't want to keep everything I make. And I'm going to be one of two crocheters, and they want to have a lot of crocheting stuff in the store (Jo went to a retailer's conference last weekend and they said crocheting was going to be the "next big thing"). They're going to have a bunch of couches and chairs to use for knitting and Wednesday nights will be open knitting night. They're also really into charity knitting and philanthropy - they're going to be the only/first store in the area to carry Manos del Uraguay, yarn that's made by women in Uraguay and the profits go directly back to those women. The classroom table is an old dining room table and there's going to be tomato and vine stands hanging from the ceiling to hang scarves. I can't wait.

But now I'm worried
Little Roo has a little lump on his side. It's kind of like a skin tag. Maybe he scratched himself too much or something and it's just a wound. But I'm worried that he has a tumor.

posted by Kristin @ 9:53 AM 0 comments

I finally finished watching The Wiz last night.

Have you seen The Wiz? This isn't the Fred Savage movie about Nintendo. This is the 1978 Motown version of The Wizard of Oz. I'd seen it before but didn't remember much - I think I fell asleep halfway through (incidentally, that viewing was the first night Abby and I spent together without other friends. It cemented our relationship. We also watched Krush Groove, starring Run DMC, Sheila E. and The Fat Boys. I now own it.)

Anyway. If you haven't seen The Wiz, do it. Now. It's amazing. Diana Ross is Dorothy, Michael Jackson is the Scarecrow, Nipsey Russell is the Tin Man and the Lion is Ted Ross, the guy who won a Tony for it on Broadway in 1974. Lena Horne is Glinda and Richard Pryor is the Wizard.

It's set in New York City. Dorothy is a kindergarten teacher and lives with her Aunt Em. She's scared to take a new job at a high school and move out on her own. Toto runs outside and a blizzard sweeps them away. Oz is actually NYC - Justin recognized a bunch of the locations. I watched a featurette about how it was made, and it was really astonishing. It's hard to describe, but there's this scene with 400 dancers (the Emerald City) and the backdrop is two big buildings kind of angling the set. It takes place at night and the buildings are only lit by lights in the windows. It turns out that they were the World Trade Center towers. It's a gorgeous scene - I orginally thought it was just a backdrop.

The music, arranged and retooled by Quincy Jones, is spectacular. I think the best part, though, is that it is so much truer to Frank L. Baum's original story. Dorothy wears silver slippers in the original, and so does Diana Ross. In the original, there are two good witches, not just Glenda. All of those people on the farm don't become the cast of characters. On and on and on. It's much more poignant and emotional - you actually care if Diana Ross gets home.

Anyway. See it. I really want it on DVD, so if I get it, everyone is invited to watch.

posted by Kristin @ 1:24 PM 0 comments

Really big important question

The Friends finale is this week? For real? Because I thought it was next week. I've thought that since, like, July, when I was doing avails for Captain D's. Swear to God.

So should I watch it? I only watched one episode this season (the first) and I have yoga at 7:30 on Thursday nights. The only thing I find remotely interesting about it is that advertising rates are just a few hundred dollars less than the Super Bowl during the actual show, and the rates on the Tonight Show that night and Today the next day are astronomical, and those are just local rates. (They've been planning the entire cast to be on those shows for at least a year now. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't pay $1000 to be anywhere near Katie Couric's crazy eye shadow.)

What do I do?

posted by Kristin @ 1:52 PM 0 comments

Sometimes it's a relief when the weekend is over.

I think one of the hardest parts about being in a relationship is looking over at the person you've been sleeping next to for nearly four years and thinking, "Who the hell ARE you?" I know Justin better than I know anyone else except for my dog, but I still have no clue about him at all. I have no idea what goes through his head or how he operates. Those moments are stressful and often horrible. But when the crying and fighting are over, everything feels new and fresh again. He describes it as the fires that gut out the forest so new growth can emerge. That's the best description I've ever heard.

In other news
I made a container garden this weekend. Cutting-edge, according to my mother. It has a daylily in the center, then clamysia (?), which has tall red, yellow and orange flowers, and then English ivy that will cascade over the sides of the pot.

I put Roo into a box of dirt while I cleaned his cage. He was supposed to like it. All the mouse websites say that mice love digging in dirt. Roo's tail got really dirty and he was all pissed off and tried to dig through the box. I gave him a few Toastie-O's - he ate one and buried the rest.

Kate stopped by for mangled chicken parmesean and good conversation yesterday afternoon. It was really great.

posted by Kristin @ 3:26 PM 0 comments

How to really piss me off

Write an article about Tap Day saying that QEBH and Mystical 7 are the only societies non-application based and have significantly fewer members than the rest of the societies. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO COUNT? Obviously, there were only six girls in purple robes up there, people. Mystical 7 has...SEVEN. And LSV is the only society that is secret for a whole freaking year, not just two weeks. Two weeks! I could keep anything a secret for two weeks! Do you know how hard a whole year is? Do you know how many people, especially my boyfriend, got freaked out by it? And there's no application. It'd be a lot easier to pick people if there was.

I hate the Maneater and I don't even go to school there anymore! And they even used to employ me! For people who are so uptight about writing "Francis Quadrangle" instead of "the quad," they sure don't do much fact checking.

But anyway, since I'm thinking about it, Easter candy really isn't as much fun without my LSV sisters.

posted by Kristin @ 4:15 PM 0 comments

A lot of people are beginning their last few weeks in Columbia. And they're sad. There's no reason to be sad. Once I left Columbia, it was like I never lived there in the first place. I miss friends, sure, but not the place. I think it was, for some reason, very easy for me to leave college and move on. And I'm not one for moving on.

Things I miss about Columbia:
1. Flatbranch.
2. Trops. NOBODY here sells to-go alcoholic beverages in styrofoam cups. This is why other countries hate America.
3. The really rundown Sub Shop (yes, just one can be singled out as such - the one by Columbia Mall) because it has a table-console Ms. Pacman.
4. The Olde Un.

Things I do not miss about Columbia:
1. Cars, cars, cars up and down my street.
2. Sporting event crowds.
3. Columbia Mall.
4. The horrible ladies at that quilting shop.

I do, however, thinking of J-Dub every time I see a Tiger Tail hanging out of the trunk of a car.

Big plans
So I had an idea for a mix tape while struggling home from yoga last night. I could chronicle Britney & Justin's relationship by using their own music. Because I can detail everything that happened at the end just by reviewing the last two albums. Am I the only person that realizes that "Toxic" is NOT an answer to "Cry me a River," but that "Everytime," IS an answer to the last song on Justin's CD? Example:
Justin: You didn't say you're sorry. I don't understand.
Britney: THIS IS MY SORRY.

Hello!!!!! (I can just imagine Abby saying Britney's line in her best pirate/ogre voice. That's even better than Britney's version.)

Speaking of "Everytime," I think I don't know what to feel about the video. I liked the idea of the first version where she actually kills herself. That makes sense. But the whole "my head is bleeding, maybe I got hit by a video camera, look, it's a baby in a hospital" this is quite strange. And why is her hair so ugly? And isn't Stephen Dorff like, 40? Because he should be.

Anyway, I would start the tape with "Hit me Baby" and "Tearin' up my Heart." I'm not sure if I would go chronologically or use songs in a non-specific order that would tell the story better. I do know that I would use "Boys" and "It Makes me Ill." Oh God, the possibilities.

posted by Kristin @ 1:48 PM 0 comments

Things are on the up and up. Not my eyesight, though. Everything is super-blurry. Perhaps it's time to throw out the old contacts and whip out a new pack. I think I got contacts in June, maybe July. I got a year's supply - 12 pairs. I have only used six. This could be my problem.

Yarnlust
I am in love with the Charlotte's Web shawl. I figure it's about $52 to make before tax. I don't know where I would wear it but I want to try lace. And it's beautiful. So many different color combinations.

How not to have a successful night at yoga:
1. Change medications several times over the course of two weeks
2. Don't exercise for an entire week beforehand
3. Wear high heels the day of (it works different muscles in your legs than regular shoes)
4. Drink a glass of warm wine a few hours beforehand.
5. Forget to grab a towel before class

I was a sweaty, falling down mess. And then afterwards, I was so tired that I didn't think I would be able to make it to my car. I got home in one piece. Getting up the stairs to my apartment was markedly more difficult. Then I took a bath with salts that Chrissy gave me and I didn't get out until the water was cold.

I have never been happier to see a Friday. Hello, Friday. I love you.

posted by Kristin @ 12:32 PM 0 comments

Today is better. For now, at least. I'm making it very clear upfront that I have absolutely no control over my emotions. It gets scary, but I keep forgetting that it also gets better.

I watched Love Actually last night. I still love that movie. My favorite part is the whole thing.

Best dinner ever: pork chops stuffed with pesto and feta, rubbed with pepper, garlic and oregano. Bake for 35 minutes at 375. Amazing.

I could use some sort of baked good right about now.

posted by Kristin @ 8:49 AM 0 comments

Oh no. The tears are back. I was tearless yesterday. No more.

Everything is horrible. Just terribly, terribly shitty. I spent Monday crying crying crying at work and I went to the doctor. I'm back on Prozac. Thank God. It wasn't only the immediate side effects that bothered me, but the ones that don't go away after the first few weeks - anxiety, insomnia, nausea (no wonder people lose weight on it) and my favorite, SEIZURES. It just wasn't worth it.

And now I'm in this place, thie horrible place where I don't want to do anything or see anyone or be awake and why oh why am I even alive? Because nothing is worth it and nothing makes me happy and I'm tired of feeling jittery and my mind is running in a million directions and I seriously just want to go back home to Iowa where things are safe and I'm not alone and I don't have to sit in a cube for 7.5 hours a day doing absolutely nothing.

I am scared of myself. I won't do anything to hurt myself (because that would hurt other people a lot and I don't want to hurt anyone) but I will probably yell and be horrible and think thoughts that scare me. But the thought of going to sleep and never having to wake up is rather appealing, except for the fact that I'm afraid to sleep.

And I can't remember which Kleenex I just sneezed in and which I used to wipe my tears.

I feel like I did when I moved here almost a year ago. My apartment doesn't feel like home and I'm tired of Roo because all he does is poop and hate me and I wish I could give him to a school but I would feel bad because the kids would probably squeeze him but he smells bad and I've tried everything besides getting him "fixed."

If I had vacation time I would take it and get the hell out of here, but I don't. So I will just sit and cry and dread going home at night because I really having nothing to go home to. I don't want to knit, I don't want to cook, I don't want to watch TV. I just want my mom and my dog. That's all.

posted by Kristin @ 12:57 PM 0 comments

Abby left this morning. We had a great time. We dyed my hair and it looks awesome. She made a cake and we watched six hours of Jem. We have 18 to go. I was getting really pissed at Rio because even though Jem and Jerrica are the same person, he didn't know that and he was making out with both of them! Rio! You're a slut! I know that eventually she tells him, but sweet Jesus it was pissing me off.

I've been pretty sick all weekend. The side effects of Wellbutrin are not fun. I will not go into graphic detail, but suffice it to say that I've had a lot of general torso and intestinal pain. Antacids are helping, but they don't help the crying. I cry for no reason at all. I cried during Jem, for God's sake.

posted by Kristin @ 6:34 PM 0 comments

My shoes are constricting my feet. My feet need to be free.

Some days I really like my job. Other days, I have headaches.

I'm excited to see my favorite pirate.

The custodial staff keeps eating my jellybeans.

Roo is planning a jailbreak.

I've been a bad sleeper lately.

posted by Kristin @ 2:29 PM 0 comments

I painted my toenails this morning. They're magenta and gorgeous. I also got to watch my favorite quilting show, Simply Quilts. It was enough to make me want to spend the day at home.

But I'm at work instead. We just had a potluck and I'm stuffed. Mmmm cake.

Okay, I was able to sign up for Gmail (I guess all other Blogger users can,too) and I'm doing some research on it for work. So send me e-mail with unusual subject lines and text, like talking about your favorite store or shoes or whatever. We're trying to see how the text links work and the searchability of the mailbox. Address: kristinbuel@gmail.com. (If you're sending me something important/personal, send it to my regular address)

I'm doing my very first negotiation this afternoon. I'm nervous. I don't want to screw this up.

posted by Kristin @ 1:32 PM 0 comments

All Clear
I feel a lot better now. Thank you for being good friends and making me laugh out loud. I wasn't looking for comments like that (for real). It just...it gets noisy in my head sometimes. It used to be really bad - before I started Prozac again a few years ago, it was so loud inside my head that I couldn't think or sleep for four months. Anyway, last night was the first night in weeks that I've been able to drive home without thinking all those horrible/annoying thoughts. I didn't arrive home all tense and angry and I even sang in the car. It felt so good. I felt a lot lighter.

posted by Kristin @ 8:57 AM 0 comments

Dear World,
I have tried so hard to be what you want. All I want is for people to like me and not whisper about me behind my back. But I'm tired, World. I'm tired of not saying what I really think. I'm tired of hiding the things I love in life, the things that make me take off my clothes and dance around the bathroom, just because they're "uncool." I am tired of feeling that I'm not good enough. Because I used to be. I used to be one of the best, even. I used to really like myself and be proud of myself and now I find myself worrying why someone won't talk to me or why someone who hasn't seen me in months would make fun of me in front of friends.

And it's easy to say that I could blow it off or that I didn't care. But I do. I care a lot. I'm never going to stop caring.

But I'm really tired of hiding, of downplaying my actual personality and becoming some sort of half-dead toad, a bump on the conversational log.

This is what I've been too afraid to say.

Don't classify me as a "that girl who knits." I like to knit. It's something I do. It's not who I am, it's not the only interesting or strange thing about me and you are certainly not ever in your whole entire life getting something I made. Don't treat me like I'm weird or old or unhip. I am happy and it keeps me from strangling you when you say something stupid.

If you don't want to hang out with me, just say so. Blowing me off all the time isn't cool, nor is making lame excuses as to why you're too busy. Actually, it really hurts my feelings. I can't figure out why you don't want to hang out time after time after time. Do you not like me? Because I'm starting to really think you don't. And I miss you. A lot. That's why I call.

I am allowed to like the Smashing Pumpkins and Liz Phair and *NSYNC all at the same time. I'm even more allowed to like *NSYNC best of all. My boyfriend, the music snob of the Western Hemisphere (followed closely by Paul, who is also very courteous) has the common courtesy to not make fun of them and even enjoys some of their songs. If he can do that, I'm sure everyone else can keep their mouths shut.

I don't enjoy going to bars. I'd rather talk, not scream, at someone. And I hate having to shower when I get home so my pillow doesn't smell like my smokey hair.

I hate capri pants. I also hate people who wear lace-up shirts to work. I despise flip flops. They should never be worn outside of a setting involving water and/or athlete's foot. Your feet just look stupid in them. NOBODY looks good in flip flops.

My mouse is clean. He bathes about 10 billion times a day.

I'm not a big fan of cats. There are certain cats I really like, but that's because they don't act like cats.

Given a choice, I'd rather not take a shower. Or a bath. I'm all about the dirty.

People who always talk about their weight make me uncomfortable. I feel like they're judging me because I ate a second brownie. People who say they can't eat a certain type of food because of their diet make me even more uncomfortable. If we're going to talk about food, let's talk about how much we love it.

Even though I only tell people the dumb and annoying things my boyfriend does, he is, without a doubt, the most wonderful, loving, generous person I have ever met. He makes me feel like I'm home.

I hate Snow White. HATE HER. I wish she would have just died in the forest while she beat the ground and cried.

I am ashamed that I have to take anti-depressants. It's embarrassing to me. But if I didn't, I probably wouldn't leave the house.

Sometimes I feel closer to the knitting bloggers I've never met than to people I hang out with on a pretty regular basis.

I really wish I had a girlfriend to watch movies and eat cookie dough with. I wish I had someone who I didn't feel stupid telling personal things to. I wish I had someone who didn't find me strange.

I love musicals, but I really hate the traditional ones. Cats and Bye Bye Birdie top that list. If I wanted to kill someone, I would make them listen to "We Love You Conrad" over and over and over again. Because I had to do that and I wanted to die.

Love,
Kristin

posted by Kristin @ 9:57 PM 1 comments

There is this strange satisfying feeling you get when your parents leave after a weekend visit. You remember when you were so depressed when they left, that you didn't know how you were going to get through the days until you could see them again and how in the world were you going to take care of yourself? Now you're glad that they love your apartment and the city in which you live and you're excited to see them next but you also relish the quiet and clean house they left behind.

Roo is just glad Penny is gone. She gives quite the kisses.

VH1 gives out some damn good chocolates. Yay for rep gifts and yay for bosses whose doctor says she can't eat them.

I had every intention of sewing up my tank top today, but sleeping and lifting weights got in the way, as did working on a gift for my secret pal. I also lost Justin Timberlake in the midst of all that and finally found him in my car where Coldplay usually is (Coldplay, incidentally, is in my alarm clock).

We slept with the windows open the past few nights. It was great. I was in The Nest with my dog. She got her butt stuck under the bed both nights. She's horribly allergic to pollen and can't stop scratching. I suggested Claritin, but that idea was nixed.

I started the new medicine yesterday. It may cause seizures. Keep an eye on me.

Happy day-after-birthday to Chuck B., who was lucky enough to spend it with me.

posted by Kristin @ 4:30 PM 0 comments