The name of the game is Focus, Mister
How does the spam in my Gmail spam box know? Three out of the five spams offer Xanax and Valium at crazy low prices.
I could totally go for a Xanax right about now. I miss Xanax. When I took it, I could only take half a pill at a time because that stuff will knock you on your ass before you're able to drive home and get into bed.
Today, I'm focusing on breathing. Just breathe.
If you wish you had a peg leg and know the answer to the question, "What time is it?", read this:
I totally dreamt about your family last night, except you had a sister younger than Olivia. Your mom kept trying to give me all sorts of cross-stitch stuff, and I was all, "Mrs. P., thanks, but shouldn't you give this to Abby?" and she said you didn't want it. And then she tried to give me a table. I remember a lot of cross-stitched rainbows.
Also, for bonus points, who said the following: "The store in the mall I admire the most is the one that sells chain by the foot."
How to not help my headache
Pound on your stapler much the way you'd pound on the president for taking your son away for months and months at a time.
(Yes. Much like
The Swan, it's back. But it has manifested itself on the left side of my head. Way to not discriminate.)
If you come into the store and say, "I'm getting something for my mom. It's blue and has stuff in it," and that's all you know, I'll probably find it
I fell off the sandwich train after my summer at camp. I ate the same freaking sandwich every single day that summer. No Lunchables for me. I brought sandwiches to class during my senior year, and after I graduated, I had sandwiches for lunch wherever I worked. I was sick of sandwiches. So about four or five months ago, I started bringing those frozen Lean Cuisines to work.
And you know what? Those don't fill you up.
So I brought a sandwich today. Justin's teaching me his tricks, because he makes the best sandwiches ever. My mayonaise expired in July, so I need to get some more. Until then, it's dijon mustard all the way.
Anyway.
Holiday crafting has (somewhat) commenced. I love the fall because I love giving gifts. I'm going to start my holiday shopping (craft-free) in a few minutes. I do this because a) I don't want to wait until the last minute and b) doing it in spurts is easier on the funds. My goal is to have almost everything done by the beginning of December.
Right.
I'll be keeping track of progress on the sidebar. Of course, I can't give specific names of things because then you receivers would know what you were getting. But I can use the name of the yarn and color because you don't have a clue. Unless you are an enabler, and then you were probably there when I purchased the yarn. But I don't knit stuff for knitters, so it's not an issue.
When there's nothing better to do while your girlfriend makes meatballs at 8:00 on a Friday night, talk politics
"If you want the future to suck dick, vote for George W. Bush." - Justin, who won't say (but will write) the "F-word," but loves any word describing male genitalia.
Wave of mutilation
After leaving work early - I mean, who needs to see me fall asleep in my own vomit? - I took a nap and woke a few hours later to a fluffy pink sky, the first change of sky color in six days. I often look for symbolism where there is none and took it as a sign that the caffeine from the three headache pills I took yesterday is finally out of my system.
I stopped drinking caffeine when I was in 8th grade. I resumed about a year ago, once I realized that a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi wouldn't kill me (but a diet Coke will). So taking three pills, each which are the equivalent to a cup of strong coffee, within eight hours of each other was a pretty stupid idea. I stopped drinking it in 8th grade because my doctor thought my epiglotis wasn't closing - you know, that flappy thing covering your trachea - only realizing years later that I had an anxiety disorder. Caffeine is a diuretic, so you can only imagine what kind of fun I've been having for the past 24 hours, combined with horrible nausea and my own pre-menopausal version of hot flashes. And when I say flash, I mean "constant."
The worst part, I think, is that when I don't feel well, I get really scared. Like, terrified. Panicked. Sweet Jesus, I'm going to die alone. I went to Knit Nite feeling mostly okay, but when I got home I was shaking and just freaking out in general. I'm my own worst enemy. I've been known to have anxiety attacks because I'm afraid that I'm going to have an anxiety attack.
Anyway. I think I'm okay now. I think I can eat again (and good thing, too, because I'm making meatball sandwiches for dinner). And I definitely need to find some other way to make that part over my right eyebrow stop hurting.
In other news, Roo is the worst house guest ever. He went to Knit Nite at the special request of Kellen, Abbey's son, AND THEN HE BIT HIM. Roo! He's been kind of stressed lately with the new cage and everything, but come on! I was mortified. He's never done that before. He's currently in a time-out. If his cage had a corner, I would put him there.
My house has stayed miraculously clean this week. I still have a coffee table!
I finished the fifth Harry Potter book last night. I've never been so upset by a book in my whole life. I cried when Dumbledore cried. Well, he cried - I kind of sobbed. You can't write books and then have them end like that! No! Especially when you're not publishing the other two to make things better for awhile! It's just not nice. I'm having the hardest time believing that Harry isn't real. But this is coming from the girl who thought the main theme from
Phantom of the Opera was haunting her for about three months during 8th grade. Like I was possessed with it or something (we were playing it in band).
Okay, I just ate something and I think I regret it already.
The No Honk Guarantee has been lifted
My mother has given me many things: a good sense of humor, a loud laugh, the inability to hold a lot of liquor. Let's add migraines to that list. We both have one at the exact same time. Hers don't happen as often while mine are becoming more and more frequent.
I am seriously going to puke on someone.
I am a dumbass
Dear Kristin,
Hey, remember when you said that
you hated Fritos? Well, you still do.
Love,
Stomach
Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fritos=no feely good.
People. This is a national crisis. DO NOT LET ME EAT FRITOS. Much like meth, they sound like a good idea at the time, but when your head is hanging over the toilet and you're praying the porcelin beast will swallow you whole, you'll wish you went for the Certs instead.
Oooooooooo-ooooooooo
I finally remembered to take the Pixies' mix into the car with me this morning. Oh, I love you, Pixies. And I love you, Justin, for making me this CD.
I started trying to remember all the concerts I've ever been to. Let's make a list! (In no particular order, except for the first three.)
1. Cheap Trick (at a country fair. Because I'm awesome)
2. Kenny G
3. The Beach Boys (the day I got my first period! I wore shorts and a vest that WERE CONNECTED. With a matching headband.)
4. Jethro Tull/ELO (my first contact with pot in a public place! Thanks, Dad! - not for pot, for the concert)
5. Rod Stewart
6. *NSYNC/Tatiana Ali, 1999
7. *NSYNC/Dream/Those three Irish guys, 2001
8. *NSYNC/Smash Mouth, 2002
9. Weezer/Dynamite Hack
10. Weezer/Ozma/The Get Up Kids
11. The Atomic Fireballs
12. The Violent Femmes
13. Reverend Horton Heat
14. Elliott Smith/Granddaddy
15. Janet Jackson/112
16. Wilco
17. Bush/Veruca Salt
18. The Smashing Pumpkins/Garbage
19. The Pixies
20. Sonic Youth/The Music/Dresden Dolls
21. Liz Phair
22. Ben Folds
Now I know I'm forgetting some. So I'll come back and edit later. The only band I've ever traveled for is *NSYNC - Chicago and Ames. Beautiful, stinky Ames. And I've seen many a country star at the country fair before they got really popular - Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, etc. That was back during the days when I took a great interest in line dancing, circa 8th grade.
Someday I'll share all of the musicals I've seen. That list is probably around 50. And let's not even start with the plays. Or let's.
It's Klara!
Sniffy McSniffer
I also learned this weekend that Roo has a great love for banana bread. As in, every time I eat some, he throws himself onto the side of his cage and sticks his little nose as far as it can go. So I gave him some and now he's completely out of control. He does not, however, like lettuce, even lettuce from Chipotle.
Just like heaven
Okay, seriously, I just ate a carmel Hershey's kiss and it was the best thing I've ever eaten in my whole life. Oh my god. Do you remember those carmel candy bars that you could only buy for school fundraisers? You know, in the white wrapper? These Hershey kisses are JUST like those candy bars. Wow.
Klaralund is done! So done that I'm wearing her right now. I seemed partway up the back to shorten the sleeves a bit, and I think I'm going to sew the rest of the back up when I get home - the sleeves are just a tad too long when I hold my arms at my sides. But she's beautiful and comfortable and really, really warm. So warm I wasn't expecting it. I'll put up some pictures tonight.
The weekend was mostly fabulous. I felt so decadent doing absolutely whatever I wanted on Saturday. I baked banana bread, went to the Sewing Expo, then Jo-Ann's, then the grocery store, then home for a four hour nap. I had pizza for dinner and seamed Klara and then watched
Ed Wood, in which Johnny Depp is endearing but not so hot. Yesterday, I baked French bread, cleaned the house (I HAVE A COFFEE TABLE AND THE GLASS IS SO CLEAN THAT YOU CAN SEE THE FLOOR), worked at the shop and then went to a concert.
Details:
The Sewing Expo was pretty cool. Not $10 worth of cool, but I decided to look at it as a donation to a worthwhile organization. A huge market was set up in the convention center - more sewing machines than I've ever seen at once. And there were a lot of men there. Nearly all of the sewing machine dealers were men. That struck me as kind of odd. I bought a really cool scrappy bag pattern at the Husqavarna booth and some fabric from Vogue Fabrics. Of course, I later had to go to Jo-Ann's to get some more fabric (I adore fat quarters - they're my fabric size of choice) and some interfacing for the bag. Anyway, after the market, I went back down to the gallery to see all of the contest entries/winners. There were several contests - use this fabric, this thread, this style of sewing, etc. I was completely astounded by a few of them. I was sad that we weren't allowed to touch them.
The concert was The Music, The Dresdin Dolls and Sonic Youth. PJ Harvey was supposed to headline with Sonic Youth, but her plane got held in Toronto. The show was at The Uptown Theatre, which is absolutely gorgeous. Justin and I sat in the balcony, and the ceiling is painted like the night sky. The walls are covered with Romanesque facades, and there's many a naked statue. I felt like I was in Pirates of the Carribean (the ride at Disney World), minus the wenches and the urinating drunk.
The Music played way too long and the lead singer kept doing this crazy New Kids on the Block/
Sixteen Candles dance. To every song. He needed to stop. He especially needed to stop when he humped the mic stand. The Dresdin Dolls were great - the girl's voice totally reminds me of
Rachel. And Sonic Youth... I fell asleep during Sonic Youth. Multiple times. In my defense, it was 10:30 and most of the people around us were asleep, too. Justin even admitted that he dozed off once or twice. But this proves my theory that I can sleep through absolutely anything because Sonic Youth makes a lot of unnecessary noise. And they're old. Like, too to crowd surf and start every sentence with "Dude." I was sorry for them. And in the Great Battle of the Kims (Deal and Gordon), Kim Deal definitely wins. Kim Gordon is Courtney Love without, like, musical sense. And I kind of hated her shoes.
Been there, done that
Huh.
Well. The class is over. I really really like Christine Bylsma - she's fantastic and has an amazing sense of color. Her pieces were gorgeous.
My piece was not. It kind of looked like I threw up all over some yarn and twisted it together. Everyone else liked it, and I agree that from far away, it isn't too bad.
Here's what we did. Take a bunch of yarn that doesn't match. Cut it into 16" pieces or so. Knit. When you run out, tie on another color, but don't pay attention to which piece of yarn you pick out of the pile. Continue.
A lot of the swatches were absolutely gorgeous. Mine, not so much. It turns out that my stash WASN'T good enough. Everyone else had tons of novelty - eyelash, fur, railroad ribbon, everything Abbey pretty much hates to stock. I'm not a novelty kind of girl. I'm more of a wool girl. So I dipped into The Studio's stash to find some of those extras. I just wasn't feeling it. But the concept of making your stash work for you and creating palates of color from things you normally wouldn't associate with one another was great. We also learned a neat fringing technique.
Nothing earth-shattering happened. It didn't change the way I knit or approach knitting. But it did make me realize that I'd rather teach myself a new technique than have someone formally teach me. For some reason, I have a lot more confidence when I figure it out on my own.
And all I had for dinner was some cheese and a few creampuffs. Time to forage.
Nervous Nelly and her quivering jelly
I'm about to embark on my very first knitting class. The first one I've ever taken, that is.
People, especially the people I teach, ever ever believe that I've never taken a class. I'm completely self-taught. Mostly because I generally don't a) like the subjects being taught and b) I don't have the funds. But I have quite a nice little flow of cash as of late, thanks to my enabling job at the Yarn Shop, and I really do need to learn how to use my stash effectively.
But now I'm worried. What if my stash isn't good enough? As I was collecting yarn to fill my duffle bag this morning, I realized that about 3/4 of what I have is in the pink/red family, all different weights and (as I taught Gretchen last night) "auras." Will they work together? I just have two or three skeins of each.
Oh boy. Just like Little Red Riding Hood in
Into the Woods, I'm excited and scared. (That only doesn't sound stupid if you say it like she does, with the "and" in a really high, nasally voice.)
Even better than the real thing
Thanks, Mort.
I'm a hat maniac. I love making hats for little ones. That purple and green one took about two and half hours last night, with a break for dinner. I can't do anything requiring attention during "America's Next Top Model," so hats are good.
Klara wasn't dry enough last night to sew up, so I'm hoping to get to it tonight at Knit Nite. I have all the pieces and my needle with me, so let's do this thing! I went to the shop again last night (I need to stop) and bought materials for my dad's sweater. I need an easy knit to cart around with me, and I think this one will be it. My mom's sweater requires charts, and it's hard to pick up for just a few minutes at a time.
I am so looking forward to this weekend. It's going to be Domestic Goddess Day at 1725. My apartment is just, well,
dirty. So I'll clean. I'm also going to bake bread and maybe an apple crisp. I definitely need to clean off the coffee table - my yarn storage area of choice - and kitchen table. And I think I'm going to get pizza for dinner that night. Mmm, pizza. I'm also going to the Sewing Expo, which should be inspiring if nothing else. I need to get my butt in gear and pull out the sewing machine. I want to get a good headstart on holiday gifts so I'm not crazily finishing socks on Christmas Eve like last year.
I'm trying to figure out what to bring to my stash class tomorrow night. I'm definitely going to need a duffle bag.
I found it!
This is making me tired. Mom taught this hat at the store. She never wants to make it again.
I KNOW this isn't my hat. Mom designed it herself.
That boy doesn't have it either.
It's not this one.
Maybe that mouse stole my hat.
Oh, look! John Kerry took my scarf!
Hi, my name is Mortimer. It's pretty cold here in Kansas, and I can't find my winter clothes! My mom has been making a lot of hats for a craft sale at work and I'm afraid she's going to give away mine!
Laughing again
The horrible mood is gone! It's gone! Wooooo! PMS is a bitch, man. I've been hating life for the past few days - I had all these issues about my job, life goals, headaches, the stupid rainy weather, right on down to the cleanliness of my apartment (which there is very little right now). But the fog has lifted and everything is clear and bright and everyone around me breathes a collective sigh of relief. I'm good for at least another few months (it only hits this badly once a quarter or so. Me and the moon, baby.)
I kind of really like oatmeal.
Charlotte is going well. I listen to music and have worked on her for about four hours so far, and I'm halfway through the solid second color. She's looking good. I don't have a lifeline, which is a little scary, but I've been somewhat able to correct my mistakes (so far I've only come across two). It's very relaxing. I can't stop once I sit down to work on her - I can't wait to see what the color combinations bring up next. But she's beautiful and I'm very proud of her. I think I like doing lace.
The front of Klara is still unblocked, but maybe I'll get my butt in gear in the next 20 minutes to do something about that. I'm taking a more Zen approcah to my knitting lately - when it's time for it to happen, it'll happen. I'm not going to push it. If you do something half-heartedly, you'll just end up having to do it again.
Elle est finis
Klaralund is done. Almost. I finished the front (complete with short row shaping - I hope I put it in the right place) right before dinner. All I need to do is block that piece and sew her up. I hope she turns out all right. I always feel this sense of disappointment when I finish a sweater. I work on it for so long and then all of a sudden I don't recognize it anymore. I never feel that way about hats.
As you can see on the sidebar, Charlotte has been started. And ripped. And started. And ripped. I didn't get very far either time - taking it slowly and not worrying too much if I have to start over. But I will start doing the lifeline from now on.
In a stroke of what I can only believe is fate, the store got the long Addis I wanted on Friday, so I was able to buy them in person (with a discount) instead of mail-order. I was beside myself with joy Saturday morning. Beth taught me to how to do socks on one circ yesterday before the breast cancer awareness knitters descended onto the shop. I think it'll take some practice, but I also think I'm going to try it on an actual sock instead of fiddling with 40 stitches of scrap stuff.
Friday night is my class at The Studio. I'm very excited. I'm even more excited for sleeping in on Saturday morning (the first Saturday I haven't taught in more than a month) and having the entire day to myself.
I have a feeling that this week will go better than last. If it doesn't, I'm outta here.
Ribbit
So I'm supposed to be at Knit Nite with my favorite girls, but I'm not. My wrist is rebelling against all things using my fingers, including knitting. So a night off it is (although last night was a night off, too, as was the night before...). I stopped at the shop and contemplated getting materials for a sweater. To Butterfly or not to Butterfly? I've been wrestling with that for some time now, and I think the answer is not to Butterfly. It's pretty, it looks comfy, but I already have a Kureyon sweater and I'm working on a Silk Garden (Klara, my love), so it's not like I don't have any Noro to wear.
And lately, I've been more interested in creating my own designs. I have a zip-up cardigan/jacket in my head, and I've made a few attempts at drawing it out. Maybe I can swatch and do a few test runs over the Thanksgiving weekend.
I say Thanksgiving because that's probably the next time I'll actually have time. I'm not one of those people who can knit when they're stressed or upset - I just can't. Knitting is a happy thing for me, and if I'm not happy, I can't knit. I can't craft in general.
So I have a stack of books next to me, including the 4th and 5th Harry Potters, which should get me through the next few weeks of crazy work. Reading! What a concept! The only thing I've read in the past few months is Bridget Jones (all three books, over and over and over). I'm ready to eat a book every other day. It's so very rainy fall day, so very cozy, so very...nice.
(By the way, I'm posting this from the library because I'm way too lazy to wait for my home dial-up to connect and chug through the motions. And it will also prevent me from playing Zuma if I don't get on the computer at all.)
ZUMA! That could be another reason why my wrist hurts. Damn you, little froggy.
Shot to shit
Well, none of that happened.
It was a bad day. There's no other way of putting it. I was grumpy, everyone around me was grumpy. I don't like feeling like I'm always in trouble. And I know that tomorrow everything will be better and back to normal, but I still will want to hide under my covers and not go back.
I did leave at 5:00. I should have stayed, I said I could stay, but I was told to go. So I went. The staff meeting was about as bad as it could possibly be. First of all, no snacks. We always have snacks. And I was about ready to gnaw off my arm. Second of all, we met at Homer's because there were two classes going on in the shop (um, duh? I said that Saturday?), and it was a little stuffy in the back room. And the whole "Christian coffee house" thing kind of freaks me out. Not normally a big deal, but I was hungry and grumpy. Jean was grumpy, too. We grumped together. And then people who are not one of the owners started telling everyone what to do. I would NEVER tell my boss how to run their store. Never in the history of the world would I do that. So I told that someone not to ever interrupt one of my classes because it's rude and I don't appreciate it. And then I felt better.
But not really. So I took Justin to Texas Roadhouse. We threw peanuts on the floor and I drank sweet tea. We talked about the jobs we'd love to have and why only one person we know is actually doing what they want. And that made me sad. But Jean said it best,"I don't want to be the manager. I want to do my job, do it well, be paid well and go home. That's all I want."
I think that's all anybody wants. I don't think anyone intends on going into a career and having it become their life (except for maybe the characters on
The West Wing, and look where it got them - a coked-out writer/creator and a steadily declining plotline ever since Zoe was kidnapped). I'd like to be a teacher, but I know I would get caught up in my students' lives and not be able to leave work at work. And I've learned the hard way, through all my years of school, that when I don't leave work at work, I get sick. I was sick every day before school from 8th grade through my junior year of college. That's just how it was, 7:30 on the dot every morning. But when I moved off-campus, didn't have a kazillion activities and didn't actually live where I worked, it stopped. Sure, I still get sick when I'm anxious or in a restaurant for a long period of time or if I haven't slept a lot, but it's not daily. It's like, weekly. And that's amazing. I don't want to go back to being sick every day. Nothing is worth being afraid to go somewhere for fear that you won't be able to find a bathroom.
Finally. I feel better. I know that other people read this, and I am very concious of what I write because I definitely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but sometimes I just need to let it go, and doing it somewhat publicly feels like I'm telling everyone and there's no one left to tell so let's just drop it. Consider this dropped.
Done. Done like a dead squirrel.
See that sidebar? See where it says "Projects to Finish Before I Can Start Charlotte" (or something like that)? Baby, the cupcake scarf is done and all systems are go for Charlotte. Charlotte will be my stay-at-home project. Klara is currently in the three-pieces-blocked-in-my-first-ever-blocking-expedition-and-just-needs-the-front-started-and-finished stage, so she gets to ride around in my much-admired Lancome free gift tote.
I've been making a lot of cute hats on the side. We have a craft sale benefitting the United Way (hello, former employer!) in a few weeks, and I've been using stash to make some adorable hats. They're so fast and I can watch TV (and baseball games) uninterrupted because I barely have to look at my hands when I knit in the round.
So here's my grand plan:
1. Work until 5:00. Try not to do anything too taxing because yesterday was taxing enough.
2. Go to store meeting and try not to throttle someone, even though I've HAD IT UP TO HERE with her interrupting my classes.
3. Go home and kiss Baby Roo.
4. Pull out the old swift and ball winder and wind a heap of skeins, including the Koigu.
5. Begin Charlotte.
I'm thinking I'm not going to swatch. Because I have PLENTY of yarn (extra skeins of colors 3, 4, and 5) and I'm usually spot-on. (How I knit perfectly to gauge but crochet HUGE I will never know.) I will, however, check the metric measurements of the required needles because the D'Needles are slightly off.
Cross your fingers.
Storytime
It's times like these (working late on never-ending spreadsheets that I've been working on since 11 a.m.) that I recall my favorite Julie Economics Storytime, circa freshman year:
Once upon a time I lived in a tree. Then I fell out and died.
I didn't say I didn't have a good time
Do as I do: don't listen to
Justin. Ever. He's full of it. I had fun at the Pixies' concert. The music was amazing and I'm very glad he made me a Pixies' mix - I've already listened to it. I just don't like standing up for long periods of time near people whose idea of dancing is wildly thrashing about, especially after a long week of work. Kim Deal is seriously the cutest girl ever, and when she smiles, she looks like my friend Nancy. Yay Pixies, Boo Standing Up.
Furthering my foray into the world of Best Girlfriend Ever, I went to the last Royals' game of the season yesterday. It was actually pretty fun. First of all, they finally got their butts in gear and learned how to make fast pitching changes, and second of all, I had one of those grilled pretzels that I like so much. AND Justin said I could bring my knitting, so I made 4/5 of a hat.
I cleaned out my closet last night. Great fun. I finally threw away all of my graduation cards and I hung sweater shelves (you know, the kind that are canvas and hang from your clothes rack). They're great. Viva la Target.
Also: I'm thinking of getting a food processor. I can get one at Target THIS WEEK ONLY for $30.00 (regularly $45.99) and it comes with a hand-held mixer, which I also need. Pros and cons?
I will finish the cupcake scarf today. I will. And I will finish Klaralund this week. And I will
finally get to start Charlotte. That is, if I don't get too scared.
