I'm SO DONE with Clapotis
It's not that I don't adore mine or that I didn't have a good time making her, but really, we're done.
Specs: Knit Picks' Andean Silk in an eggplanty sort of color, a little less than six skeins. This is for a woman I work with - I think she's gifting it to someone else.
Personally, I like my original Clapotis better, for a few reasons. First of all, the colors are out of this world. And I think I prefer the varigation. I like the Andean Silk (especially at $3.79 a skein or something like that) but it was too sheddy for my taste.
But it's done, and my goal was to get it done by the end of February. I continued swatching for Te Rosada last night, and the yarn just isn't getting gauge nicely. I love the yarn, though, and I love the pattern, and I think they would just look great together, so I think I'm going to modify the pattern with my gauge. I tried a few swatches doing some other stitch patterns, thinking about creating my own sweater design, but, really? I bought the yarn with Te Rosada in mind. So I think that's what it has to be. Back to the swatching board tonight.
When there are no words, just cry and try to let them know how much you love them
I'm back! On the up and up! No more pukey! I'm still exhausted by 7:00, but my bed and I have become quite friendly the past few days, and I'm sure that particular relationship will endure for a few more. Roo is back to being loud as hell after I go to bed, so I must be better.
You know how sometimes you try to tell people how wonderful your friends are, but the words just don't seem to make sense? How can you explain how very special they are and how you wouldn't trade them for anything? I like to give examples. Here's one.
When I lost Charlotte, I thought that my knitting friends were even more upset than I was. Which was nice, because it took the burden of mourning off me and I tried to be brave and managed to get past it relatively quickly. I pretty much hadn't thought about it for a few days, save for the "Always pin your scarf/shawl/wrap to your person before you leave the house," warnings. Last night at Knit Night, my friends presented me with a lovely poem and a gift certificate to Threadbear so I can make another Charlotte.
Can you believe that? I couldn't. I could see my parents doing that, even Justin, but these darling women who have become my surrogate family over the past few months? They have their own lives, their own families, their own knitting hardships (I'm looking at you,
Einstein). At the time, there were no words to say thank you, not just for the gift, but for the friendships I have come to cherish over the past few months. So I cried. Because what else can you do when you're thanking every star in the sky for the day you decided to comment on Abbey's blog, therein realizing that you love the same yarn shop and have actually seen each other in said yarn shop before?
I realize that most of us won't be in Kansas in five, maybe even in two, years. But these women have touched my life in more ways than they will ever know. And when I finally get the gumption to start Charlotte version 2.0, I will carry their love in a lacy wrap around my body, always safely pinned to my chest.
How to lose nine pounds in one day!
Have the stomach flu! It's great! Between burning calories as you rise from your makeshift bed on the bathroom floor to the toilet and the loss of many vital organs as your body expels the virus, your unwanted pounds don't stand a chance!
I'm about a kabillion times better than I was yesterday, I think. For one, as of this time yesterday, I had only gotten 30 minutes of sleep in 36 hours. I slept 10 hours last night and then, after an hour of doing some work for work, six hours. I feel a trip to the couch for another nap is coming soon. I am trying to start on some solids (a cracker, which took me an hour to eat last night, immediately revisited the world), and I have three varieties of clear soda, pink lemonade, Pedialyte and gallons of water to get me through. I could only handle ice cubes yesterday.
I don't get sick a lot. I attribute this to a lot of sleep. When I do get sick, it's usually a respiratory infection which turns into bronchitis or pnemonia. I haven't had the flu since I was very, very small. It's horrible. My whole body hurt, I kept having to clean the toilet (thank you, Justin, for bringing me more cleaning supplies), I couldn't sleep and I COULDN'T KNIT. That sucked my soul right out of me. I've been off of work for two days, which is terribly guilt-wracking, and I was so stressed out about it yesterday morning that it probably made me worse. Self, you are sick. Everyone kept telling me, "Just let yourself be sick. You'll get better faster." So I gave in, because really, what else did I have to do?
Abbey the Angel came over last night and I have never been more thankful to see a friend. She brought loads of goodies and good conversation and made me laugh even though I threw up in the middle of our visit. Justin came over right after his plane landed (and how glad am I that I didn't go to Chicago with him this weekend? So very, very glad. I can't even imagine being on a plane like this) and brought me more supplies and stayed with me until I fell asleep. And he looked really,
really good.
Back to bed.
Kristin and the Washing Machine, 1, Obstinate Clogs, 0
Who's laughing now, clogs?
The Cubs pair are for Justin's dad, and the pink pair is for his sister. Happy birthday!
Specs:
Fibertrends clogs
Cubs: Four skeins of Cascade 220 (not whole skeins - I used more red than blue)
Pink: Four skeins of Lamb's Pride (Lotus Pink and Fuschia). I have no Fuschia left at all, but quite a bit of Lotus Pink.
After all of this, I much prefer to felt with 220.
**
Busiest Weekend EverSaturday10 a.m. - 11 a.m.: Private lesson with a mom and two daughters
11 a.m. - 4 p.m.: Work at shop
4 p.m. - 5 p.m.: Private lesson
Go home and change clothes for
6 p.m. - Connie's barbecue!
8 p.m. - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy via the Pops Series at the Kansas City Symphony
Sunday1 p.m. - 5 p.m.: Work at shop
6 p.m. - ?: Girlie Night
This whole Big Bad Voodoo Daddy thing was kind of a mess, but turned out all right. I bought tickets online in November, because Justin said he wanted to go. But as soon as I bought them, he told me he was going to be out of town this weekend. There were no refunds. So I figured I'd find a friend to go with me.
But the tickets never came. I was never charged. Months went by, and I finally figured last week that I just wasn't going. Not a big deal.
I got a call yesterday at work around 3:00 from the Symphony, telling me that they found a bunch of orders that never went through and they were really sorry. I could still get two tickets, but the seats would be one in front of the other. I asked if I could get just one ticket, and they said sure, so they upgraded me for free and found me a good seat. I've never been, well, anywhere like that alone, not even the movies, so this should be pretty fun. I'll have some knitting with me for intermission (duh).
But you know what? I could kind of use a day to myself.
The most fitting thing ever said about me
"You leave a path of destruction everywhere you go." - Justin
Adventure with wonky slippers
Dear Lamb's Pride in the form of the Fiber Trends Clogs,
What's the deal? Why will you not felt right? Your friends, the Cascade 220 clogs, felted just fine (2 hours later...hmm. Maybe that's not just fine.) You've got one more chance and then you're outta here. You, me, the washing machine and a bottle of Boone's Farm. 8:15. Be there.
A very tired Kristin, who was up until 1 a.m. trying to felt you, you stupid clogs.
**
In more redeeming news, the kindness of knitbloggers never ceases to amaze me.
Wow! We're in...Delaware?
Things that don't necessitate an entire post but are greatly amusing to me:
* I was in a brainstorming meeting for The Most Important Client Ever and I told people my favorite movie was
Wayne's World. They all looked me kind of strangely, so then I was all, "Oh, and I like smart-people movies, too." And as we were brainstorming things to give away, coinciding with the video release of
Million Dollar Baby, I suggested... a baby. Which was actually pretty well received.
* I think everyone should answer their phone (especially in a professional setting), "Hi, this is (insert name here) and I'm CRAZY!" Because at least you're giving the person on the other end a heads-up.
* I am eating KC strip steak and flash-steamed green beans. Like, this minute. It took less than 10 to make. I am master of my kitchen.
* Okay, so the grass might always be greener, but have you looked at your own grass? It's pretty green, too.
* Don't mess with an angry mouse. Especially an angry mouse with a 'tude.
* Roo tried to eat some pantyhose last night. I don't even want to talk about it.
Back in the saddle again
I think my mourning period for Charlotte is over. And what better way to celebrate than buying some needles I can't get at the shop and some Koigu from
Threadbear? The woman on the phone was so nice and I told her the kind of colors I like and just to surprise me with the Koigu. I think it'll be super fun. How can you go wrong with that? (The needles I need - Addis size US 0, 40". I hear the Lorna's Laces supersock needs some wicked small needles, and the smallest I have is US 1.)
Anyway. About Charlotte. I'm the kind of person that believes things happen for a reason. I'm not sure what this reason is, and I really hope someone can clue me in, but I didn't lose it just to lose it. As I cried, I realized I was upset not about the shawl itself, but what it meant to me and how much I enjoyed making it. And I can say with a little bit of embarrassment that I've already been thinking of the colorways I'd use next time. I learned that I'm not a finished-product-is-everything kind of person - I care more about the process. I'm still mad that I was stupid enough to lose it, and mad that someone must have picked it up and taken it home with disregard to the owner. But I'm greatful that I got to make it and I hope it found a good home.
(When you're finished throwing up, feel free to keep reading.)
I watched
In America last night, which has to be one of the best movies I've ever seen. I laughed and I cried and it was desperately beautiful. If you haven't seen it, go. Now.
Justin will be going back to Chicago for the weekend, to celebrate family birthdays, so it's just me, a pile of yarn and a sewing machine. I kind of have a busy weekend planned already - a private lesson, time with friends, and working on Sunday - but I also want to spend a lot of time on my couch with
Mary Poppins. I love those penguins.
The worst thing ever, in the history of the world.
I lost Charlotte.
I wore her to work today, along with the Valentine socks and my knit beaded bracelet. I put my coat on over her before I went to Cupini's to pick up some fresh pasta, around 4:15. I got the pasta, went out to the parking lot, which is really more of an alley, and decided to take off my coat since it was 60 degrees out. So I did, then reached back into my coat pocket to get my keys. It was 4:30.
Eight minutes later, as I was speeding on I-35 towards the mall to get Justin's present, I realized Charlotte was missing. I'm very nearly positive that she fell off my shoulders when I took off my coat, and I didn't notice it because she's so light.
I called the restaurant/market to see if she was in the parking lot. She wasn't. Jennifer was still at work, so she checked at my desk. Not there. I drove all the way back to Cupini's and talked to the employees. No one had turned her in. Back to the parking lot, where I looked under every car and in the dumpster.
I went next door to the antique store. The sign said they were open until 6, but it was 5 and the door was locked. I banged on all the doors, but no one appeared.
I think Charlotte is gone for good.
So I cried. I cried and I cried and cried until my cheeks were raw. Justin never did get a present, I lost something I that cost quite a bit of money (for me) and I'd worked on it for five months. Five months, done for two days and gone. I don't even have a picture.
Maybe the antique store has it. I hope so. But in my heart I know that someone saw her lying in the parking lot and took her home. Or else she got caught under my tired and dragged halfway around Kansas City.
And I was so proud of her. She was my first lace and my first Koigu and I waited for the pattern to come in for almost four months and I saved my money so I could buy the materials for her and now...now she's gone.
I'm done crying, because crying won't change things. But I kind of hate myself.
Happy Valentine's Day to...
...my Peep, who turned four on Saturday. Yay, Peep! I saw a golden puppy in the window of a store the other day and I thought of you (and I snuggled with him for a few minutes, but it meant nothing).
...my parents, who didn't send me a valentine. Good thing I didn't send you any, either.
...my very best Psally, who called me last night for the sole purpose of asking, "What's with Alicia Keys? Is she the only celebrity who can do tributes to small, dead black men?"
...my
twin, who makes great valentines. I especially loved what you wrote on the back of the envelope.
...my favorite knitting girls, who make Thursday my favorite day of the week.
...my baby mouse, who kind of needs a bath.
...my amazing boyfriend, who made me breakfast in bed yesterday morning, who made a yummy dinner last night and who refused to make my sandwich yesterday after we went to the grocery store. You could have made all my meals for the day! How great would that have been?
Maniac, maniac that's for sure
I've decided that Charlotte is done. I love her without an edge. I love the way my cast-off looks. She's beautiful. I've never gotten so many comments on something I've worn to the shop and, unfortunately, we don't carry the pattern
or Koigu. BUT. I think Lorna's Laces supersock would be awesome for a Charlotte's Web. So Charlotte is done and she's lovely and I'm very, very glad to finally make her a part of my wardrobe.
While I was at the store, I wound about a third of my stash (it was a slow day, rain and all). Now I'm ready to start something new when the mood strikes. Hopefully the mood won't strike soon, because I need to finish that second pair of gift slippers. And figure out which socks I'm going to do next. And maybe move the nice pyramid of Peace Fleece away from the coffee table.
Foiled again
So the
LOTR marathon didn't exactly work out. The second disc was all scratchy and bad - that's what happens when you make a copy of a copy, I guess. So we watched
Chocolat, because Justin's never seen it and nothing cheers me up like Johnny Depp. Mmm, Johnny Depp. I was all in a funk because I wanted to watch the rest of the movies, though. I did finish the second slipper, but I haven't started the second pair. That's a job for today, methinks.
Oh, and
Abbey, you were pretty close - we did go shopping yesterday and I picked out what I want. Yippee!
Ring Day
Justin and I decided to have a low-key Valentine's Day celebration, so we're watching
Lord of the Rings.
All of them.
Back to back.
We just finished the first, and he's about to run out and pick up some Thai for us. Roo heard us deciding what we want, because he just woke up and started running around like a maniac.
We went to Town Center earlier in the day, and I have to say that there's nothing like shopping in Johnson County to make you feel like you shouldn't be living in Johnson County. We saw those horribly ugly Dooney & Burke purses - $195. They don't even do the dishes or anything. And there were itty-bitty Coach totes for about $100. Just the thought of it makes me angry.
I finished the Valentine's socks this morning - yippee! I think that maybe I have a very narrow heel, because all of the heels I've made so far are too big. But the socks are still cute and comfy.
Charlotte is done - she's blocking on a towel on the bathroom floor. Once she's dry, all I'll have to do is the crochet edging (I'm not going to add fringe - I don't really believe in fringe). And I'm inches away from finishing the first set of gift slippers. All that's left is the second sole on the second slipper. I figure I can get the other pair most of the way done during the last two movies. If I don't fall asleep.
Next time, I get to be the martyr
But this is not that time. Everything is going to be okay. I keep trying to tell myself that. I'm going to be fine, nothing is going to happen to require all of my savings at once, it's okay to carry a small balance on my credit card (which I have never, EVER done in my whole entire life - I'm waaaaaay too scared of that) and I just need to be resourceful.
Now, I know that I don't buy "too much" yarn, because really, there isn't such a thing. I fall in love and I get it at a super discount - how can one resist? But I do have quite a lengthy list of projects-to-be which should keep me busy until at least the summer, if not longer.
I proudly present "The Great List 'O Crafts":
* Scrap tote bag
* Amy Butler Swing Bag
* Mango Moon flat felted bags (this was obtained yesterday at
Urban Arts & Crafts at a fabuous discount, along with the above Swing Bag)
* Gigi in Calmer, by
Bonne Marie
* Te Rosada, from
Interweave Knits
* Slippers set #1 (one left to go) by Fiber Trends
* Slippers set #2
* Slippers for me
* Entrelac scarf using ArtYarns Merino
* Clapotis (for a friend)
* Nordic mittens from
Interweave Knits
* Red Cascade 220 cardigan, (hopefully) self-designed
* Charlotte! (I'm only 6 rows from being done)
* The never-ending Encore scrap scarf
* An afghan out of RED HEART. BECAUSE I CAN. It's crocheted. I prefer to crochet with acrylic. Knitting with it drives me nuts.
* Bottoms-up bucket hat by
Bonne Marie.
I also have the following items ripe and ready for socks:
* Schaefer Anne in blues and greens
* Schaefer Anne in pinks and purples
* Lorna's Laces in a very lovely pink and green
* Lorna's Laces in Fresh Twist (turquoise and purple)
* Lorna's Laces in something I can't remember - blues and greens and browns and rust
* Wildfoote in Rock 'n Roll
* Fixation in a yummy, boyfriend-ready orange
* Regia in a very vibrant summer mix
* Regia in blues and greens (which was once a sock, but said sock was too large, so said sock went to the frog pond)
* Koigu in a pink and yellow spring shades
* Koigu in autumn colors with a purple accent
* Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in Champaign Somethingorother
* Cherry Tree Hill Supersock in Fall Foliage
And that's just the yarn that's slated for actual projects. So I think a starting and finishing binge is on the horizon. (Just looking at all that sock yarn makes me dizzy with anticipation. Can you believe it all fits into one little basket?)
I've also been thinking that I'm not much of a cotton girl. I still use wool in the summer. So maybe this will be a summer of knitting toys and bags.
Isn't it strange that I feel about a kabillion times better now?
The Tax Man Cometh
Sigh.
I started my taxes. It turns out that I owe very close to $2,000 in taxes, mostly because I didn't have enough taken out of my paycheck. I know it sounds immature and stupid, but come on, how the hell was I supposed to know what to put on my W-2? I told the truth, people. I filled out the stuff that applied to me. If someone had told me it would be better to blantantly lie to the government, hell, I'd do it. So I'm going to change that tomorrow. But that doesn't help me now. The way I calculate it, I'll have to work another year at the shop just to pay my taxes.
It's so frustrating. I can pay it - I have money saved. But I've worked so hard to save that money and I've been so careful and now BLAM, gone in one fell swoop. I was hoping to buy myself a spinning wheel this spring, but there will be none of that. I mean, I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy, but I was really, really excited about getting a wheel. I had something to look forward to, something to get me through the long stretch of the workday. Now: nothing.
I know this happens to everyone at least once in their life, some big expense they totally didn't expect, but I didn't think it would happen to me. I've been so meticulous with my money all my life - I save, save, save. We got crazy Christmas bonuses at work, and I didn't spend a dime of it. I was hoping to have money stored away for my wedding or a down payment on a nice apartment - anything but this. I mean, I went to college for an entire year for that much money. Can you get scholarships to pay your taxes? Because I could use one.
Real! Live! Phone! Conversations!
7:10 a.m.
Her: Do you still have
Ray?
Me: Yes...?
Her: There's something wrong with our disc. Your dad wants you to copy yours before you send it back.
Me: Okay.
Her: He came up to me this morning and said, (in a little voice) "Can I ask you a big favor?" and I said, "Yes," and he said, "Can you call Kristin this morning and ask her to copy
Ray?" And I said yes.
Me: Okay.
7:12 a.m.
Her: He thinks I'm an idiot! He wrote in big letters on the wipe-board
RAY and then left the DVD case open by my purse! He must think I can't remember things just like him!
Me: Maybe he was trying to remind himself.
Her: I'm going to tell him tonight that I forgot. (laughs) Don't tell him I asked you to copy it. If you talk to him today, just pretend you don't know.
And Justin wonders why I turned out the way I did.
I'm it!
Jennifer tagged me. There are no tag-backs.
1. Total amount of music files on your computer?
I'm not sure. A hundred or so? I have a few CDs on here and some stuff from Napster. When I was in college, I had SO MANY mp3s that it was ridiculous. And half of them were crappy live versions of stuff I already had. The other half were Britney Spears.
2. The CD you last bought is:
I'm thinking...Joss Stone?
Mind, Body and Soul. Was it really that long ago? Justin got me Earth, Wind & Fire's Greatest Hits for Christmas and I love it.
3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
I'm not sure. The last song I remember hearing is Britney's new song, "Do Somethin'," which was only released in the UK. For good reason. And I don't understand why you would release something you know is horrible
anywhere. Because you can totally tell in the video that she knows it's just horrid.
4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.
1. "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire because when I get married, it's going to be in September, and that'll be the theme song. I could dance dance dance to that song. And I did, at the holiday party.
2. "America" by Simon and Garfunkel. I'm very into driving music, and this is a great night driving/rainy day sort of song. It makes me feel hopeful and melancholy at the same time. And it reminds me of
Kate.
3. "Such Great Heights," by The Postal Service, because it so very clearly explains my feelings about and for Justin and also acknowledges how far we've come in the past year.
4. "Rock Me to Sleep," by Jill Sobule. It's so desperate and lonely and sad and very, very beautiful. Another good rainy day song.
5. And a tie for the current dance favorite: Destiny's Child "Lose My Breath" and Jennifer Lopez's "Get Right." I love to dance, especially in the grocery store. I love pop dance music, and I adore these two songs. "Lose My Breath" has awesome marching band drums, and "Get Right" has an incredible intro. It makes me wish I had a pole and dangerously high heels.
And it wasn't asked, but my favorite song to sing (and the way to sing it) is "Drive Myself Crazy" by *NSYNC. You know, the one where they're in the padded room? The only way to sing it is in a Taurus on two-lane highways between Columbia, MO and Iowa. And you have to SCREAM, with deep breaths in between phrases, "I LIE AWAKE, I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY THINKING OF YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU." It's very dramatic.
5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
*
Abby, because I bet money she has some NKOTB on there
*
Justin, because I have no idea what his favorite song is
* My
mom. Don't YOU want to know what she listens to?
The rudest person EVER
It can't be Monday. Not yet.
I was sick all of Friday night - nothing like feeling nauseous right through
Ray and what might possibly be the worst chicken I've ever cooked. The smell of raw chicken makes me want to die now.
Saturday was nice - I felt better, taught a class, knit with Beth for a bit before her class, went to the library and paid my astronomical fines, then took a nap. Justin and I went to Lawrence for the late afternoon. And here comes a rant: WHY do I go to the Yarn Barn? Why? Because, really? I'm disappointed every time. The place is a mess. Dust everywhere. All the work tables were covered with magazines and it was impossible to lay anything out. They were almost completely out of dyed roving, even the stuff from the lady up the street. And not a single sales person approached me the entire time I was there. I ended up buying a little bit of roving and an old issue of
Spin-Off. I always want it to be better when I'm there, but it never is.
We puttered around Mass Ave. for a few more hours and then came back to OP for pizza and
Sex and the City.
I worked at the shop yesterday and got bitched out by a customer for offering to help. Which, as I was told about fifteen times, makes me the rudest person EVER. And I don't know why, but the entire situation really upset me, and I, like,
sobbed for about a half hour. Jean thinks it's because I hadn't cried in awhile, and I think she's right. But it hurt a lot, especially when, immediately after she yelled at me the second time, she said, "I just love this store and you are just the sweestest thing." I can deal with crazy knitters. I can't deal with just plain crazy.
It isn't Tuesday, people
Why? Why do I always get sick on the weekend? I'm a'feared I have a fever. My guts are falling out all over the place. But come on. I was
productive this afternoon for once. I was getting things done. Going to the bathroom every half hour, on the half hour, does not a happy media planner make. Because of course I'd go to the bathroom and of course I'd come back to a message I would have to return, and we all know how I feel about the phone.
PS - Gretchen, I named the rabbit: REverse.
Clap for me - it's Clapotis!
And surprisingly enough, I like her.
I decided that I like to wear her as a shawl best, even though it's rather poncho-like. Please notice, however, that there is no fringe and no pulling it over my head. This is strictly a very nice garment that I'm able to pin into place with a pretty brooch I got for Christmas. It's pretty nice all rolled up as a scarf, too.
I love this picture. This is pretty much the exact color of the yarn, Briar Rose, dyed by
Axelle. It's so very soft and warm without being too weighty. At first, I wasn't so sure about the color, but everything pulled together when I dropped the last column of stitches.
And this is Clapotis' friend, Scribble Lace.
I kind of made up Scribble Lace on my own. It's mentioned in Debbie New's book,
Unexpected Knitting and there's a vague pattern for it, but I didn't like it. So I made up my own. I'll be teaching this twice in the spring. Personally, I'm not the kind of girl who would wear it, but it was pretty interesting to make. And I love the way the lace stretches. The lace is something by Skacel that I can't remember except it's
1400 yards in eight oz. It was a bitch to wind. The bright pink is Colinette Point 5, which I've always wanted to use. I was pretty disappointed. But at least that's one less thing to covet.
It's a simple life my mouse and I live. When we're together, we eat, we sleep, we knit (well, one of us knits - the other eats yarn).
I watched
Gimme Shelter last night. And I felt really, really bad for Mick Jagger. (Can I just say that every time I even think of his name, I hear Gilda Radner's "Gimme Mick" and I start to sing it? This made for a long movie.) I mean, there he was, trying to get people not to hurt each other and all he wanted to do was shake his very nice ass, and then, AND THEN, he has to watch it all over again in editing. And why was Keith Richard (not Richards, as I previously thought) always sleeping in a guitar case? I mean, really, Keith. And why were they drinking jug wine? Couldn't they just get a bottle of vodka or something?
And then it made me think about the Rolling Stones in general and how much I love them and how I think (MAY GOD STRIKE ME DOWN) that they're better than The Beatles and that they define rock and roll for me more than some namby-pamby boys with LSD-influenced lyrics and really, really bad hair. Not that the Stones have good hair, mind you, but The Beatles hair was particularly awful. (And Steven Tyler? From Aerosmith? Could he be any more of a Mick-wannabe? Right on down to the lips and the scarves.)
And did you know that Oprah bought Stevie Wonder a Phantom Rolls Royce? STEVIE WONDER. I love Stevie more than I love toast, but really, is he a man you want behind the wheel? And then someone, I can't remember who, bought one for Donald Trump as a wedding present. Because he's really going to drive himself around.
And Matt Lauer? Do we really need to be mean to Puxatawny Phil? He's a groundhog and you're a grown man with the worst hair I've ever seen. I hope you fall in a hole.
